The Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some entries:

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Accimental: Caused by a Freudian slip.

Algaebra: What the Little Mermaid wears over her chest.

Aliass: A body double for a nude scene.

Apocalypstic: The little smudge I came home with on my collar that makes my wife act like it's the end of the world.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

Coiterie: a very, very close-knit group.

Contratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.

Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window.

Defenestraction: A ruse to divert the cop's attention while you throw the evidence out the window.

Discussion: n., a Frisbee-related head injury.

Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt some place stupid, such as your septic tank.

Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Dozie: The lie a person tells when a telephone caller wakes him up and he denies that he was sleeping.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Flattery: n., a place that manufactures A and B cup brassieres only.

Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Frisbeetarianism (n.) The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

Hooternanny: The au pair you thought was especially promising, but your wife sent back to the agency.

Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an arsehole.

Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Intaxication: Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.

Impotience: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.

Karmageddon (n): it’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Nincompoop: n., the military command responsible for battlefield sanitation.

Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Ozone: n., area in which the G-spot is located.

Perplexed: adj., lost in a movie theatre.

Pimple: n., pimp's apprentice.

Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

Polarvoid: The state of having no baby pictures, a condition that usually befalls the second-born child.

Pontificate: n., a document given to each graduating pope.

Pop Secret: Paternity suit settled without publicity.

Population: n., that nice sensation you get when drinking soda.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Spatula: n. A fight among vampires.

Sudafed: A software program on how to file a civil action against the government.

Taterfamilias: the head of the Potato Head family.

Tatyr: a lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Tumfoolery: When a middle-aged man sucks in his stomach while being introduced to an attractive woman.

Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

Whitetater: a political hot potato.