She was a large woman who seemed not so much dressed as upholstered. James Matthew Barrie
A face unclouded by thought. Lillian Hellman on Norma Shearer
His ignorance is encyclopaedic. Abba Eban
She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin. Will Rogers
My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober, and you will still be ugly. Churchill, when berated for being drunk by MP Bessie Braddock
[When Randolph Churchill went into hospital to have a lung removed and the trouble was found to be non-malignant]: ‘A typical triumph of modern science to find the only part of Randolph that was not malignant and remove it.’ The Letters of Evelyn Waugh, 1964
William Blake was a nutjob whose opinions, in a civilized society, would be of no interest to anybody apart from his parole officer. Mark Forsyth, The elements of eloquence
The last bit of methane left in the intestine of the dead cow that is post-modernism. Robert Hughes on Jeff Koon
Yes it was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs. Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing. Samuel Butler
One watches David Frost with the same mixture of fascination and disgust that one looks at one's turds floating in a toilet. Patrick Murray
My boss has a brain like Einstein's - dead since 1955. Gene Perret
Such an active lass. So outdoorsy. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her. Bette Middler on Princess Anne
With friends like you, who needs enemas? Matthew Broderick
He shines and stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight. John Randolph commenting on Edward Livingston
I do not think I had ever seen a nastier-looking man. Under the black hat, when I had first seen them, the eyes had been those of an unsuccessful rapist. Ernest Hemingway
Monsieur Zola is determined to show that if he has not genius he can at least be dull. Oscar Wilde
The word 'honour' in the mouth of Mr Webster is like the word "love" in the mouth of a whore. Ralph Waldo Emerson on Daniel Webster
Waldo is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. Saki, The Feast of Nemesis
Thank you, and now would you pull the chain. Thomas Beecham to an incompetent tuba player
As wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy. Dwight MacDonald on Doris Day
He has delusions of adequacy. Walter Kerr
Behrman - forgotten but not gone. George S. Kaufman
Filthy Story-Teller, Despot, Liar, Thief, Braggart, Buffoon, Usurper, Monster, Ignoramus Abe, Old Scoundrel, Perjurer, Robber, Swindler, Tyrant, Field-Butcher, Land-Pirate. Harper's Weekly on Abraham Lincoln
I wouldn't piss down Jerry Brown's throat if his heart was on fire. James Carville
Mr Speaker, I withdraw my statement that half the cabinet are asses. Half the cabinet are not asses. Benjamin Disraeli
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. Winston Churchill
Decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-powerful to be impotent. Winston Churchill on Stanley Baldwin
Occasionally he stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened. Winston Churchill on Stanley Baldwin (attrib.)
The music of Wagner imposes mental tortures that only algebra has the right to inflict. Paul de Saint-Victor
John Major is not a man to go tiger shooting with. Paul Johnson
Dan Quayle looks like Robert Redford's retarded brother that they kept in the attic, and he got out somehow. Patti Marx
I would not put Jimmy Carter in charge of snake control in Ireland. Eugene McCarthy
Edward Gladstone: I predict, sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease. Benjamin Disraeli: That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
The best description of Margaret Thatcher I ever heard is that she's just the sort of woman who wouldn't give you your ball back. Mike Harding
