Happiness is good health and bad memory. Ingrid Bergman

At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas. Often credited to Claude Pepper

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever - but would rather no. Anon

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. George Burns

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory. Franklin P. Adams

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. Maurice Chevalier

Tom Smith is dead, and here he lies, / Nobody laughs and nobody cries; / Where his soul's gone, or how it fares, / Nobody knows, and nobody cares. Grave epitaph, Newbury, England, 1742

You start off irresistible. And, then you become resistible. And then you become transparent – not exactly invisible but as if you are seen through old plastic. Then you actually do become invisible. And then — and this is the most amazing transformation — you become repulsive. But that’s not the end of the story. After repulsive then you become cute – and that’s where I am. Leonard Cohen

I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. John Mortimer

There is still no cure for the common birthday. John Glenn

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction. Bob Hope

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last instalment missing. Quentin Crisp

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age. Gloria Pitzer

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. Hector Berlioz

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened. Terry Pratchett

Scars are tattoos with better stories. Toyota advertisement

Varicose veins are the result of an improper selection of grandparents. William Osler

In the long run, we're all dead. John Maynard Keynes

The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now. Anon

The hurrieder I go, the behinder I get. Anon

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted. Bertrand Russell 

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams  

 I like the word ‘indolence.’ It makes my laziness seem classy. Bern Williams

 Death does not make us equal. There are skulls with all their teeth. Mário Quintana

There are three deaths: the first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time. David Eagleman

The fluffy newborn chick of hope tumbles from the eggshell of life and splashes into the hot frying pan of doom. Humprey Lyttleton