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Personally, I know nothing about sex, because I have always been married. Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. Oscar Wilde

I will not allow my daughters to learn foreign languages because one tongue is sufficient for a woman. John Milton

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures. Samuel Johnson

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. Quentin Crisp

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman. Maryon Pearson

We know of course that women are habitually constipated, but to represent them in fiction as being altogether devoid of a back passage seems to me really as excess of chivalry. W. Somerset Maugham, Cakes and Ale

When the candles are out, all women are fair. Plutarch

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Women like silent men. They think they are listening. Marcel Archard

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. Charlotte Whitton

Men live by forgetting — women live on memories. T.S. Eliot

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. Roseanne Barr

Here's to woman. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. Ambrose Bierce

Never trust a man with testicles. Jo Brand

Women have many faults, men have only two / Everything they say, and everything they do.

Women want mediocre men, and men are working to be as mediocre as possible. Margaret Mead

O, she is the antidote to desire. William Congreve, The Way of the World

A gentleman is a patient wolf. Henrietta Tiarks

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. Mark Twain

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. Irwin Carey

As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica